Sugar Free

Cake with icing and raspberry on top

Image from

I have a cotton bud in my hand and I am standing at my mirror watching myself vigorously scratching at the inside of my ears with it. It is quite painful but it brings relief at the same time. I know it’s bad for me.

‘My doctor always said never put anything in your ear that’s smaller than an elbow’, my mum always said to me, despite herself putting anything vaguely small and sharp in there, mainly Kirby hair grips. She always suffered with ear problems too.

The reason I’m scratching at the inside of my ears so forcefully? Quite simply, because they itch like hell. Why else would I do it but for the relief it brings. And why do I have incredibly itchy ears in the first place? I have no idea, neither does my doctor. It’s not an infection. I’ve had ear infections, although not as often as you’d expect, and this is not what it is. He also said that it’s not eczema. I do know that it seems to occur whenever I eat sugar, chocolate to be precise. This, as some of you may imagine, is a bloody nightmare. I absolutely love chocolate, more than sex. It is one of life’s pleasures and I can imagine nothing more lovely than sitting down in the evening, after putting the kids to bed, film just about to start, lovingly opening the wrapper to a bumper size bar of Dairy Milk, my choc of choice.

So, I have this awful reaction to something I absolutely love. It’s like being allergic to lie-ins, or something as equally ironic and unjust. (I would say a free pair of Jimmy Choos but I’m not really a shoe person, but you get my drift.)

In an attempt to alleviate the symptoms of insanely itchy ears I decide to do something about it. Yes that’s right, I decide to give up sugar. There I’ve said it and that means I have to stick to it otherwise I will have millions of people banging down my door telling me I’m a failure and nobody wants that. So, I’ve decided to give up sugar. Not for lent. Not to lose weight, but simply to see if it makes any difference to my ear itching dilemma.

Methinks this is not going to be an easy project but for the sake of my poor abused eardrums, I have to, at least, try.  First stop then, the supermarket.